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6 de Febrero, 2007

Down wit da Brown and ROY G. BIV

Categorized under Raza | Tags:

"WHEN YOU THINK OF LED ZEPPELIN, think of me," the boy wrote in my yearbook. It was 1984, and this is how he wanted to send me into such a grand Summer? There it was. Like an odd, unexpected gypsy curse. A very simple statement: a wish, an order, a reality made, a connection that would not be denied. There was no "if" there. There was no "please." There was an off-duty hypnotist's napkin autograph and a vast ocean of years within which I was bound to play a fair amount of Led Zeppelin.

I can't say he got his wish. I thought it was a bit presumptuous at the time, and just a bit of a waste of a yearbook signing. So I de-wired the factoid before the ink could dry. I sent in internal command to the motherboard of my consciousness: Belay That Order.

In all fairness, the comment was in character with his general demeanor. My classmate's attitude. The Cool Joker. Easygoing...but inaccessible. Fun, but only if a fun of his choosing. A real King in High School. One of those guys who end up becoming quiet, average, Joes a decade later.

I'm sure he never made the connection himself—and maybe it was based a bit simply on his loose, dark curls—but you know who I think of when I think of that classmate? Not so much Robert Plant or Jimmy Page. More like Bill Murray.

Anyway, that's not the point.

What I do admire, in all of that, is how uncluttered his self-image and associations were. A very solid and uncomplicated association. (Like the jpg above. Click to see originals.) If only everything were as simple as the day before Summer vacation at fifteen!

It is not so simple, of course, with my being "Mexican American." True, anytime we generalize we run into trouble. But I don't mean typical stereotypes (which are, of course, ridiculous on their face). What I mean is you cannot assume I grew up with the culture and the typical biases and affiliations that many Mexican Americans do.

As I've been learning more about all these things, I've learned there is a lot of division between the many different kinds of Latin Americans in the USA. A perfect snake-fork of division. Am I surprised? No. What on Earth would happen if we all realized our biggest differences were not with each other? Instead of pushing in so many different directions—which of course, cancels out—we might actually move something.

I did meet some of this internal division, growing up. I learned of the Mexican/Puerto Rican fued. I was even part of it, in the most natural way. It was the one ethnicity that people in Northern areas would guess, when they asked me such things. Are you Puerto Rican? In time, I grew to react negatively to this "Puerto Rican" thing, whatever it was. The question was not only insinuating I was not White, (which I was trying my best to be!), it was overlooking my Mexicanness in the process. I was getting the worst of both worlds with this question. And I blamed it on Puerto Ricans. At least for a moment. But I was very young.

I say it because I do want to show that I understand how these feelings can come about. But today I am about other things.

grafik by Nezua I may often wish that in my youth I had been surrounded by the culture and peers who would more closely relate to my situation, but I am happy that I did not absorb—or at least do not hold on to—any of the typical wars. Just so it is known. As a Latino, I do not have any rivalry with Blacks. [update: By that last sentence I do NOT mean "I choose to call myself Latino so that I have less quarrel with anyone," in case you read it that way. I mean by it "as someone who is thought of in an equation of "Latinos hate Blacks" I—as that "Latino"—do NOT have this typical quarrel." Hope that's clear.] As a Mexican American, I do not have fueds with Puerto Ricans. As a Mexicano, I do not hate Cubans. As a Mexican American Male, I do not think I own "my" woman. In fact, I expressly align myself with the oppressed and underdawgs of el mundo. So I am down con las causas de las mujeres, and with allll the Brown.

Because I was not raised in strict adherence to any code or religion or ethnic expectations, I met with some confusion. But life is often confusion. I do not bemoan that happening. It was opportunity. And as we all know, the Chinese character for "crisis" is the same as the character for "led zeppelin." It follows from this that Nezua is free to create himself and his own biases and affiliations.

There it is. MY OFFICIAL STATEMENT that I hold no typical "Mexican" biases. Okay, fine. Except, somehow, some of these. (Really, I'll just take any excuse to read that one again.)

 The Unapologetic Mexican has been known to scribble a few things besides meandering, verbose, self-congratulatory blog posts. However, they are rarely as fun. Finally, let it be known that Nezua first dared bust out this Habanero of Truth at exactly 1:35 PM.  | Top | View blog reactions

Comentarios (5)

Rafael dijo:

I see your statment, which I understand fully, from a different angle. As someone who was born and raise in Puerto Rico, I see the words "Latino" and "Hispanic" as salsa spread too thin on white bread. A common paste if you will, a bland expression of assumed behaviors and attitudes. A convenient label that ignores both our similarities as nations and our differences. A dumping ground for tacos and arroz con abichuelas and cigars.

An aside story. A few years ago I was sitting on my desk, on the computer lab of a mid western law school and a friend of mine, un Mexicano, approaches me "para presentarme a alquien". You know how the conversation, how are you, my name is, where you from... I answered, with a certain level of pride, "Carolina, Puerto Rico" to wit the reply was "No but where are you from really...."

I also see the words I used above as excuses to crush my culture and my history. To forget that I am the living embodiment of the "White Man's Burden". A constant pressure to assimilate to a foreign culture and language, some 2,000 miles away. A seductive/toxic perfume, a translucent fog where the words "its okay, you don't have to change, you don't have to give up anything or betray anyone" appear as ghost in the mist. Forget that we where savagely invaded, exploited, misled and finally discarded to a sort of legal limbo in which we are kept trapped by fear, ignorance and false privilege. Forget that we are not the exception to the rule, privileged among our Caribbean sisters and mainland brothers, but that instead we are the proof in the pudding, the most glaring example of Empire by proxy and rule by fear.

I know this sounds like a repudiation of everything you are, a hypocrites assault on your sensibilities. But in fact it is the opposite. In order to find our common purpose, we must understand where each and everyone of us comes from. We must accept what makes us different and unique before we swim in the waters of commonality. That we fight for mutual self interest, for decency and freedom. That in our hearts we are human, and must treat others as human. That Empire knows no Rubicon, nor does oppresion, ignorance or hate, I offer these words so that you may understand me, as you have offered your words so I may understand you.

And finally I leave you with the words to a song, made famous (locally at least) during the 1990's by a band called "Fiel a la Vega":

Salimos de una grieta
de una calle cercana
desde entonces dormimos
dando vueltas en la cama
Salimos del pedazo de cielo
que pudre las manzanas...

Salimos del baile, la botella
y la baraja...
Salimos de un sueño,
un sueño de agua salada...

Salimos del Yunque y de los ríos
y del Combate y del picadillo
y del fanatismo a los partidos
y a la iglesia y al bolsillo...

Salimos de un pozo
donde ya no queda agua...
Salimos de un pueblo
que en silencio se le ama...
Salimos de donde se reunen
todas las caravanas...

Salimos de un monte
con cadillos en los pies...
Salimos de un bosque de azucar y café...
Salimos de centro y del calor y del machismo
y del amor al conformismo
y del culantro y del sartén
y de una ola que se corre alrevéz...

Salimos de aquí
de la orilla del cámino...
Salimos de aquí
de un paraiso pérdido...
Salimos de aquí
de la perla privilegiada
de la sombra asociada
de la envidia caribeña
y de la estupidez isleña
de sentirse en menosprecio
por ser de aquí...

Y así salimos descalzos
y así aprendimos sin querer
a comernos las "s" cuando hablamos
y eso es to' lo que hay que saber
Somos los que cantan con la lengua amarrada
Somos los que alternan Coca-Cola con Maví
Somos de la tribu que se pierde en su pais

Mirando la vida por el retrovisor
de cantazo en cantazo
aprendiendo con sabor
Y no creemos en diccionarios
ni en panfletos de la fé
ni en los dichosos patriotismos
de las copas elevados y los
brindis de chalet...

Salimos de aquí...
eso no es de donde quiera
Salimos de aquí...
te lo digo sin problemas
Salimos de aquí...
de la playa enamorada
de los campos de batalla
y de las casas de cemento
y que se caigan los lamentos
que se escucha por aquí...

...vivir pa' sobrevivir...
...vivir pa' sobrevivir...
...vivir pa' sobrevivir...
...vivir pa' sobrevivir...

Salimos del beso
de una diosa olvidada
Salimos de un volcán
al que no le queda lava
Salimos de pensar
de que ya aquí no queda nada...

Salimos de madrugada
de una cuna reciclada
recitando oraciones
que aprendimos sin opciones
y hoy regresan en canciones
en saludos y discuciones
en las miradas de tu cara
y en la forma en que te paras
y hoy toda la brisa
sabe a Puerto Rico...

Palabras por Rafael spat forth on el 6 de Febrero, 2007 at 04:58 PM

nezua limón xolagrafik-jonez dijo:

Well, I don't have a problem with your views, Rafael. The thing about words that is so frustrating is how different each symbol may look to each of us, how we use it, depending on time of day, time of our lives, upbringing, etc. Many arguments are not what they appear to be, but only misunderstandings of individual views of these symbols, pienso....

I don't feel assaulted at all by your words. Maybe I am not reading them right. I am not asking you to give up anything, or implying that you should, of course. I take nothing from any person, no right to their own feelings or history. This blog is me standing up for Mexico, for my feelings of love and pride for her, the history, the struggle of Mexican Americans, and mostly, my own journey. That is why I write! You know that. So I am not asking you to give any of that up on your end.

You are free to maintain your pride in Puerto Rico, her trials and your own. Even if it means being bitter or separated from other Latin Americans. That is not my business, really. Although I think it is not productive. But I am just talking for myself. And for myself, I need no conventional divisions to feel strong about my own struggle or my allegiance with my people. It is not a sum-zero game, where my happiness means any other person's unhappiness.

If I misunderstood, feel free to clarify. I hope my words on Puerto Rico did not accidentally appear insulting or anything.

Palabras por nezua limón xolagrafik-jonez spat forth on el 6 de Febrero, 2007 at 05:10 PM

Rafael dijo:

No insult taken. Like I said, I feel no bitterness against my fellow Latin Americans, I do resent some of the labeling, that once, perhaps was created to unite those who where trampled underfoot, yet have been used to glaze over the roots, to smooth out the wrinkles and to create false realities. No Nez I am not accusing you of anything. Your doing go here, your standing up for you and yours. Never let it be said that if a man needs a helping hand I should not at least help him get up the from the floor.

I guess I needed vent. I also need to confront my prejudices and my ignorance. For the day I know everything is the day I die!

Palabras por Rafael spat forth on el 6 de Febrero, 2007 at 06:33 PM