28 de Abril, 2007
Drivelling For Change
NOW WHAT ON EARTH would convince Nez to respond to an email with this?:
Read more for some Saturday entertainment, courtesy of the wiley mind behind firstname.lastname@example.org:
1. Please note, in this first email, the well-wielded use of the "Stupid Mexican" Appeal. Richard Nichols (our honorary British Mexican Spinster) uses (rather splendid) intros such as "Oh Dear." Dunno. Straightens my flag. You can just picture his bunned-up hair, petticoat, and wringing hands as he begins. Doesn't it make you want to stop laughing and romping with the other naughty schoolchildren and face the blackboard?
On Apr 27, 2007, at 15:06 , email@example.com wrote:
Oh dear, another embarrassing example of a Mexican making a fool of himself in public. In case you hadn’t noticed, Mexico has already had one socialist revolution. It left the country a poverty-stricken backwater for almost 100 years and led to the deaths of 1/10th of the total population (one of the bloodiest civil wars in world history). It led, in fact, to the very conditions in which Mexico finds itself today - conditions which I’m sure you condemn. The very last thing it needs now is another such revolution. Mexican society is both complex and fragile and there are no easy answers to many of the problems it faces. One thing, however, is certain - the solution does not lie in further socialist experimentation. The average Mexican may not articulate this fact, but they know it implicitly. That is why thousands of them risk life and limb every day of every year trying to escape to the USA where socialism has - thankfully - never been able to gain a strong foothold; and it is why none of them - not one! - ever tries to escape to Cuba where they have had a revolutionary leader for almost half a century, with all of the destruction of life, liberty and property which that implies.
Of course, like the prostitute of yore, you (through your blog) are in the extremely privileged position of having power without responsibility, and were Mexico ever to turn communist or fascist (which one do you prefer? I wonder), I have no doubt you would quickly escape the ensuing carnage by returning to the USA where you would waste no time bemoaning the slaughter back in Mexico and claim it was all Uncle Sam’s fault in the first place. Get real, grow up and if all that fails at least have the decency to shut up.
OH DEAR. Have I gone and embarassed myself again? I do that a lot. And I do appreciate the "Mexican" giving me the opportunity to conceal my humiliation by not leaving me a comment in public, where everyone might see it. I hope you can forgive me, Señor Nichols, for bringing this out into the light. But I feel as if I deserve a public flaying or something for my brash ignorance.
You see, here I thought that that conquering armies from European nations was what was greatly responsible for the shape Mexico is in today. That and friendly agreements like NAFTA. And you tell me it was revolution. But you know, it makes sense. If my people would just have taken the constant exploitation by their own rulers as well as from Europe, what a beautiful place Mexico would be today. But...you know. We get mighty arrogant some days. We dare to think we should not bow to tyranny and occupation and invasion. Go figure. Maybe with a few more educational emails from your kind, Mexico can get it together.
The average Mexican may not articulate this fact, but they know it implicitly.
Yes. That is because we have this sort of primitive, Indio intuition, but are stupid and can't say things a best what way for to make you comprendes. That's why I have such bigmo appreschalation for your verbal...how do you say? effluvium?
Because you slap down a beauty of a three-fer, here. The Appeal to Intelligence joined up with a nice slathering of condescension and fake history. MMMmmm!! Bueno. Thanks, too, for teaching me about the "Fragile and Complex" history of muh peeples. So kind. You know so much about everything!
As far as my prostitute-like power of the blog, well. If Mexico turned fascist of course I would put on green eyeshadow the exact shade of dew-ridden cilantro and swing my ass round to all my blogmigos' blogular brothels, and we would storm on the virtual palace togevah, a billion blazing pixels at the ready. And you know this, vato! ¡Hasta el Amor Siempre!
(And...pardon me, guvnor...but did you really just use "yore"? Seriously?)
Anyway, that's not what I said. That's just what I enjoy saying now that everyone's watching.
Here's what I replied:
"Revolution"? What on earth are you talking about? You sure you have the right blog? I don't advocate revolution. Aside from the internal part that recognizes we must become original thinkers and separate ourselves from the groupthink and imperialist superiority complexes that are ravaging the world. I was born in LA and have been an American all my life, fool.
Read closer before you criticize so arrogantly, my friend.
You think that would be enough to show this Fake Mexican that he had the wrong idea. But he couldn't let go. He had to non-sequitur his way back into my heart:
On Apr 28, 2007, at 02:57 , RICHARD NICHOLS wrote:
Hmmm ... So you deny that you're a socialist?
Let's review the evidence - a quick perusal of your website clearly reveals a conscious and deliberate promotion of the following:
• Pro-Marcos photographs and propaganda
• Murals by well-known communists
• A fascistic representation of the Mexican eagle (your logo)
• Images of Ghe Guevara
• Drivelling anti-Americanism
• Narcissistic portraits of yourself (I presume) imitating Marcos / Arab terrorists / the VT killer (take your pick)
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but this would suggest that you associate yourself with what can only be described as a fairly radical, left-wing, anti-establishment, pro-revolutionary mentality, and your outright denial of the fact suggests one of
- you are too stupid to know what these images symbolise (possible)
- you are lying in a vain attempt to conceal your true motives (likely)
Which is it, amigo?
In case my readers weren't aware, the British spelling of "Symbolize" is very common in Mexico. (Like the word "yore".) In fact, el D.F. (Mexico City) is an exact replica of London. Yeah! Just add sun, and beans, and balls. (Whoa, sorry, British friends. I'm getting a little arrogant over here. It's the heat.)
Now, in Bizarro World, where Nez bothers responding seriously and in depth to the insane emails of fake Mexicans, I might have said some snazzy shit in reply to this cluster of colorful caca. I might have snickered, first, into my iron fist, and then stroked my crippled kitty as I complimented myself on my devious plot to take over the world with 150 pixel gifs. Or maybe I would have saluted to Marcos before explaining to His Eminence that the legend of the Eagle at Tenochtitlán was a bird rather unimpressed with Fascisticka. And the EZLN star is more representative of the indigenous belief in autonomy and the strength they show re unidad and self empowerment. But you know, like the average Mexican, I had a hard time "articulating" this. Plus, all my drivel kept bubbling over my lip and into my keyboard.
So, instead of even bothering to tell him that THE VT KILLER AND MARCOS AND I all shop from "Bandannas and Ski Gear Online," but that this doesn't mean we always got along, I tried to boil it down to this:
i do not wear labels as you must, this "socialist," etc. and anyway, now you switch your attack. go find someone else to hate. you've made your opinion clear. i am not interested in earnestly explaining myself to someone who has nothing but scorn for me.
enjoy your derision, unhappy human.
But the Loco Mexican Nichols only flared his sombrero-shaped nostrils and broke out the Fancy English:
On Apr 28, 2007, at 06:29 , RICHARD NICHOLS wrote:
I am not switching my 'attack', merely substantiating it - hence my detailed exposition of the evidence. You may deny this evidence as you wish, but you cannot
escape it. Nor can you try to dismiss it by saying you do not believe in 'labels'. If something looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then the chances are that
it is a duck (or in your case a leftie).
In fact, it is you who is 'switching' his attack - first by denying the evidence altogether, then by resorting to an ad hominem (look it up) attack.
Of course, your reaction is no surprise to me - lefties have no rational arguments to support their position since no such arguments exist. Theirs is a mentality based on hatred, fear and denial and yours, compadre, would seem to be a classic example of the type.
Or prove me wrong ... I can't wait!
Well, of course "Un beso" means "A kiss," and because this so flattered me—as well as because I needed time to look up this "Homina Attack" thing—I stalled by replying:
my friend, you are about as mexican as laura bush, i'm betting. but that aside, yes, you did switch your attack. first it was aimed at what you perceived to be a mexican fomenting or advocating revolution in mexico. now it is aimed at what you perceive to be a narcissistic "lefty" socialist american devious (perhaps) fool. socialism is far more nuanced a school of belief than you pretend, and even proponents of such cannot agree on what it is exactly. were you truly interested in my stance, i might engage you with my personal nuances and philosophy. but you are not. you are living in anger and wish to share some with me. but i have no interest. your next email will bounce, and you will walk around this earth continuing to carry a dichotomized and oversimplified image of the world, divided into "lefties" and such. i feel sorry for you, my friend. your arrogance is astounding. your hostility predictable and boring. your smallmindedness telling.
perhaps your life is such that you enjoy arguing and stirring up shit. but i have bigger visions for my mornings. and you are not included.
I apologize to all little girls for complimenting this fool in such a way! But when he couldn't conceal his mental malaise, it made me feel affectionate, like his papi, like I wanted to just hold him close and let him know it would all be okay. Mi chica, mi chavalita. I'll stroke your fake mexican forehead and hide all my handsome self-portraits from you if that's what it takes to keep you safe. Don't you worry. I won't let you go until Fidel's gone!
Amigo patriotboy over at Jesus' General mentioned in our email correspondence (how ya like that word choice, Sir Nichols?) that perhaps our smoking-jacketed friend was referring to this eagle when he brilliantly "nailed" me on my "fascistic representation of the Mexican eagle (your logo)." Patriotboy is probably right, after thinking about it. I'm not sure how Cesar Chavez would react to being called a fascist, because in reality the black, white, and red eagle is not "my symbol," although I did redraw/adapt it for my blog. This image has been around for a long time, gaining much notice in el Chicano Movimiento of the 60s and 70s. It is, of course, the UFW (United Farm Worker's) symbol, and I very much support them for various reasons. You should too, if you enjoy your tossed fascistic spinach.