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8 de Abril, 2007
icebergs and gold
Categorized under Stories | Tags:
BRENDA WAS DANGEROUS and I knew that after only a few hours of hearing her speak. A theme that kept peeking through her rants was the assertion that almost everyone she had the slightest reason to dislike had a nasty, cruel, evil core that would show if you only scraped long enough at the candy exterior. People like this tell you about themselves (usually without realizing it) and of course I knew this, as someone who had reason to study the methodology of tests like the MMPI for his first degree—as well as because I am (sometimes) a watchful and thoughtful person. In this way I knew that Brenda's persistent sarcastic tone was not a show or a style or even a defense, but an iceberg tip to whatever it was she happened to feel she had to hide. She projected her own fear of being exposed upon others, declaring that their insecurity was the root of their "hidden" and rotten core. She was bright and verbal enough that if you didn't see the pattern in her inventory-taking, you might believe the hype she was selling. Especially because her confident assertions instigated the insecurities of anyone who was listening, and so, quite successfully kept the focus off of herself. In this way, she was like a virus replicating itself so that her dearly-held hypotheses about the human race would be consistently confirmed in the reactions of her audience.
ANITA, on the other hand, was someone around whom I felt safe. Despite her instability. She was a beautiful soul, though prone to fits of anger, flaky friendship, and addiction. There was plenty in her life to judge her by, if you wanted to do that. Unlike Brenda, though, Anita's unshakeable conviction about others was that they were good; that they were kind, and that you ought to be careful judging quickly on the superficial elements you came in contact with. This was not put on, it was not pretended. I know pretenders. No, Anita was, and may possibly remain, the most compassionate and kind person I have ever met. That was what made me love her so deeply and that is still what makes me love her—even though I have not seen her for years. If you were with Anita and you (or someone else in the crowd) laughed about someone's pockmarks or weight or nose, she would stand up for them even if she didn't know them. Even though she was shy like a deer. Even if the ridiculed person was but a picture in a magazine. Anita was physically very beautiful, but she didn't like you making fun of anyone's appearance. "Stop it...they can't help it," she'd say quite sincerely, the soul of the world peeking out of her deep brown eyes. She saw the good in everyone, especially the wretched, and this is how I knew that she had a heart of gold, even though she kept losing it, even though it was always falling out of her own hands and disappearing for weeks into chasms between the floorboards.
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Comentarios (4)
Professor Zero dijo:
Especially in atmospheres where there really is evil afoot, it can be hard to distinguish between those who are merely able to see it, and those who are in fact projecting it.
Palabras por Professor Zero spat forth on el 8 de Abril, 2007 at 02:49 PM
nezua limón xolagrafik-jonez dijo:
i'm inclined to agree. with brenda, tho, no estuvo dificil.
Palabras por nezua limón xolagrafik-jonez spat forth on el 8 de Abril, 2007 at 03:29 PM
kesha dijo:
I joke around sarcastically with my friends alot and I think I really do touch very deeply at times, in a philosphical manner. However, I'm pretty close to my small inner circle and I encourage the same with everyone. I can dish as well as take. I think it keeps a person honest, as long as it isn't meanspirited. I don't judge people I don't know without a reason though, I guess I'm too optimistic for it, and frankly, I know how it feels.
beautifully written.
Palabras por kesha spat forth on el 8 de Abril, 2007 at 11:18 PM
nezua limón xolagrafik-jonez dijo:
Thanks Kesha.
It's not so much about sarcasm, you know? Some good sarcasm can go a long, long way! It's more about what we are seeing when we look out at others, I think.
Palabras por nezua limón xolagrafik-jonez spat forth on el 9 de Abril, 2007 at 07:11 AM