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7 de Abril, 2007
Pretiendship
Categorized under Corazón , Palabras | Tags:
HONESTY is more than a gift, it is as necessary to the relationship called "friendship" as hydrogen is to the compound called "water." If someone offends you, steps over your line, or acts in a way that hurts you or disappoints you but does not know it or see it as you do, it is up to you to inform them of your feelings. If you care to be friends, or to further communication. It doesn't mean you'll always agree, or that in the end you'll remain friends. But if you simply get silently self-righteous and refuse to exercise honesty (which is not only a gift, but a sign that a friendship even exists), and opt, instead, to go away—I do not see that as simply being passive, but as a confirmation that a friendship never existed. For who is less of a friend? That person who transgresses and endangers the friendship—very possibly without being aware of it—or s/he who refuses to make the effort of being forthright to save it?
I've always seen those that will not speak their minds and hearts as consigning themselves to a life of silent fury and impossible relationships. I'm sure there are other ways to see it. Sometimes my friends share those ways with me and I learn. Too often, my experiences confirm my feelings.
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Comentarios (4)
Dead Inside dijo:
You're right. That's pretty much my life. For what it's worth, I'm not in any way angry with you or upset with anything you've said. But what you said stuck a chord and while I work on it, it's just too deeply a part of myself. A coping mechanism at one time and most likely still, it's the only thing that keeps me safe, so unlearning it becomes a matter of trust and faith in the unknown and I find that I have none of that.
Palabras por Dead Inside spat forth on el 7 de Abril, 2007 at 02:42 PM
Zaecus dijo:
There is also fear, which can come from many things, be reinforced in many ways, and take time to overcome. Though that's only part of my particular package, it's turning out to be more difficult than I thought.
Palabras por Zaecus spat forth on el 7 de Abril, 2007 at 02:44 PM
nezua limón xolagrafik-jonez dijo:
DI: you take your time. those are areas for which i know no conventions, guidelines, common fallacies, ...so i'm sure it's easy for me to speak clumsily. i ask your patience while the area is still unfamiliar to me. i appreciate your kindness, there. and i do understand what it's like to grapple with things that are large and unwieldy and connected to identity. so i do'nt judge you on the sensitivity. i'm glad to hear from you. and know you're okay.
--
i agree, Z. fear knows how to throw some deep shadows. keep the faith, baby.
Palabras por nezua limón xolagrafik-jonez spat forth on el 7 de Abril, 2007 at 04:36 PM
Zaecus dijo:
I'm working on it. Tried to respond last night. I'll keep working on it until I find a way.
However, it is about more than just friendship. There are important issues in the mix, issues involving marginalization and power imbalance, and it wouldn't be quite so scary without them and the spectre of rebuke that raises up when it finally comes time to stand and be counted.
Palabras por Zaecus spat forth on el 7 de Abril, 2007 at 10:56 PM