Because I have not been able to come to a firm conclusion (though I've tried hard) due to lack of experience on the matter, I will do the next best thing I can. I will disclose my relationships as well as my own situation (and why I feel unable to draw a conclusion. [update: Though I guess by the end of this, I did]). You can draw the conclusions about my stances or my alliances or what kind of person I am, because I feel that's what people are doing as they examine each thread or blog on the matter. I will give you the honest (from my experience) and raw material and from there, I hope that will be adequate in regards to "speaking on the issue."

1. PatriotBoy: I consider him a friend. He was one of the biggest blogs to give me notice, to give me opportunity for wider exposure, and to reinforce what I've been doing—at a time when my feed subscriptions/technorati count was far lower than it is now. and in a crowd that is not necessarily pro-brown. I am not going to share my emails, but I will tell you that no matter what kind of flack I got or he got over what I wrote at his place, he always backed me up. When the walls caved in on me from hate, and I would doubt if what I wrote was all right, he would email me immediately to say "great post." He would mail my posts around to his friends, and was right there with me, saying things like "They just don't get it. They vehemently, passionately do not get it." I've read that he lost friends due to his standing with my posts. I know, some brown friends have said, "oh poor him and his losing his big blog friends." And yeah, I know what you mean. But this means something to me.

Let me tell you a story.

Once, a kid came to my high school. And he was sort of 'weird.' And people started on him. You know how it goes. They started slotting him in the "freak" slot. But I befriended him. And yes, I "made" him cool with my insistence of bestfriendness. I cared not what my friends might say. (Now, JG did not make me cool. But bear with me.) Me and this kid—let's call him Pedro—consequently became super tight. Had two years of crazy-close friendship in those ugly, lonely, and lost teen years. We played games, we collected comics together, we made up Star Trek skits and acted them out on cassette. When I ran away from home and the state troopers searched the neighb, I hid under his bed. And he didn't tell anyone. And so it went.

Later, I ended up homeless at 16. Was living on the street. Was seeing a girl two years younger than me. She and he were the only friends I really had. I was sleeping under a bridge, and getting food wherever I could.

And what happened? The town turned against me. The girl went away. I became hated. People spray painted my name on that bridge, called me ugly things, immortalized their views in graffiti. What did Pedro do? He didn't do what I did in High School. He chose his reputation, his "coolness." And he turned on me. And I was alone. And sleeping in ditches.

That hurt. Bad.

So I don't care if someone is pink or brown or olive or yellowish...if they stand with me despite a wave of disapproval, there is no way you can convince me not to credit that. Respect. This is my life. This is what I know. This is part of me.

Yes, it rubbed me the wrong way when his commenters buried me with anger and hate. Yes, I wanted him to step in. But was it his job to step in? Was it, even though we have very different comment policies? Do I condemn him and demand he change his policy for me? I can't rule on that. He is not my papá, nor would I want him to act like it. I want him to act like a friend, but who defines that? After the initial pileups (which may have even taken him by surprise, after all, my blog posts there were certainly atypical of his milieu), he would comment right away to set the tone and show his commenters that he approved of the post, instead of being absent. Do I note that as a kind move? One where someone learns and tries to be a friend and ally in the way they know how? Yes. Maybe you have different standards. But I am not you.

Let it be known at this point thatyou people: Donna, Dead Inside, others—you were there for me heart and soul on those threads. Don't you think that I don't figure that in forever. Just like I figure in his loyal and kind relationship with me in different ways. And if a large crowd turns on you later? Guess what Nezua will remember?

So that was my meeting JG, and that was my relationship way before any of this blew up.

2. Steve Gilliard: Patriotboy turned me on to him. He wrote me, as usual, looking for ways to increase my audience. He said "Steve is sick and won't be blogging for a while. They have a bigger audience than I do. I think you should send them your stuff, and I'll introduce you." And he did. That is when I grabbed the "one of the best writers in the Francosphere" quote from him. That was in an email he copied me on that was sent to Gilliard's co-blogger/friend(?) And so I sent in a post. It was a photoshop post of Bush hugging a black woman in a Katrina foto-op as he talked into a phone; I dressed it up like a Cingular ad, it said "Can Ya Feel Me Now?" And Giliard's blog-keepers posted it.

I sent more, my usual high-octane stuff. I don't think they liked any of it, and didn't post it. I stopped sending any.

I knew nothing bout Gilliard except that he was black and that he was pretty respected and had a big blog.

That was the end of that excursion.

3. Brittney: I never knew her, never read her, never heard her name until this incident blew way up. At that point, I heard bits and pieces, and all swirling in a chaotic cyber-wind like bloody confetti. I couldn't even grab a piece.

Why?

4. My situation at the time: Anyone who has been reading this blog for at least two weeks knows what I've been living. But first, let's back up to the post I wrote called The True Front of Progressivism. I agree, it was an imperfectly written post. I was doing some grieving of my own. I had watched Mexican Americans marching in a supposedly constitutionally-protected and peaceful parade and get marched on and shot at with tear gas and rubber bullets as if they were molotov-wielding anarchists. I wrote on what I thought was a huge issue that crossed into so many "progressive" areas, and then sat back. And eventually, realized that nary a ripple had stirred the white mainstream progressive blogosphere. And I was trippin' to feel that I had been imagining some kind of overriding "progressive left" that would care about issues that, well, would matter to a "progressive" mind. Leave off the arguments for now about who "has to" write about what.

Well, that's what led to my writing that The True Front of Progressivism, anyway. And as most of you know (and some firsthand), there was a lot of blowback. This really, really caused me to think about my perception of the "left blogosphere" and what it meant. And what I wanted to do with my participation/outlook of same. This was not spurred only by the absence of commentary from the Left Liberal Blogosphere. It was also that I was heaped with derision for the sentiment.

Then, BAM—my life exploded. Again, as you know, I am living with a Skinhead. Pause to let that sink in. Me, with all my views and my inability to bite my tongue, and what I feel I've already hidden behind, regarding the dominant culture's pressures and hate.

This has screwed up my belly so much I can't even begin to tell you. But you probably already know.

Given this event, as well as my newly forming thoughts on the blogosphere, I was following NO threads, and reading very few blogs, and having very little time to get into long, thoughty threads. This is in addition to my aversion to engaging in bickering and fighting online. But my life had become such that even writing my own posts was challenging.

SO, the explosion of JG and Brittney? I wasn't there for it in realtime. I wasn't even reading JG at that point. I was lagging days behind my feeds. By the time it began to explode with the force and range that it did, I was way out of the loop. And I have to say...with what I've been living with, I could summon neither the energy, time, nor interest in researching ugly and lengthy and angry threads on ten different blogs!

Yet, this left me in a quandary. I felt that of all blowups, I was supposed to have an opinion here. And yet, I would read one page and then another—when I did find the time—and it was just people angrily batting stuff around. You could pick a blog and find a stance. And I couldn't find mine. I felt as if I were forming an opinion based on...what?

5. All I had to draw on: was my past friendship with Patriotboy (very positive) and one tiny incident at correntewire (sorry, never saved link), which I must preface by saying I think is run by good people who try their best to be openminded, and who also gave me a spot to post as much as I like. When did they offer this? Shortly after I made a comment on a blog post that reminds me of yes, Atrios' method, as well as Brittney's:

Someone there posted a vile (in my opinion), anti-immigrant/Mexicano passage, and the poster's only commentary was a title in Spanish—which most people wouldn't understand anyway.

Seeing that graf hurt. It insulted me. It was anti-brown, anti-mexican. And I spoke up. I said I didn't think it was right to post that without commentary. I felt it was an endorsement of the ugly energy to further spread it without an equally strong rejoinder or negation. And I have to say that I wrote that because I believe it's true. My stance before the Brittney incident. So I know it is not colored by friendship with JG.

Correntewire was considerate of my view. I think the person who posted it didn't really know what to say as far as further commentary on that post; I don't think they felt able to comment in depth. They were Anglo, and maybe felt insecure about what stance to take, or rather, how to word it, or what to draw on. Perhaps they knew it was an ugly quote, but didn't quite know how to respond. I also feel that was the case because they then invited me to blog there. Perhaps to fill in that Mexican American blank in their staff. And I appreciate this. Why? Because we all make mistakes or act in ways we would improve later. ALL OF US. (See Glass House, Stone, etc; see With Age Comes Humility). It is how you react to your human error that really defines you in the moment. And if you fail that, then how you address it later. I see no cutoff point. I see redemption as an option that a person should always have. And I don't mean religiously. Just in a humane sense.

Well, back to the fella who wrote to NiT blog and asked them to amend the Gilliard post after the whole storm blew.

As I replied to him:

i think that if you repost something with no commentary, you are in essence promoting it. period. yet, it could be debated, as some have done...atrios does it, etc. BUT the fact that after everything they could even think of insisting on it as it stands? no. that is incontestably wrong. because what it stirred up provides a new context. and in that context, there is no denying that posting it as they did was wrong.

This stance to me dissolved ambiguity. Even after knowing what that post caused, they stand by it. 'Nuff said.

I don't think anyone was entirely blameless. Yes, I think JG should have kept his sense of humor about it, because lose that and you generally lose sympathy (a finesse/social point), and aggravate an already inflamed situation.

I also know that commenting negatively on a woman is very touchy, and I've learned this with my Jolie post as well as my Malkin posts. I've really eased back on Malkin. And as you can see with my last Jolie post, I approach it much more carefully. Because this culture is very sensitive to women being attacked by men, it is scarred and wounded, and we all have to be aware of that. Believe it or not, it took me a few times to figure this out. And I figured it out by not just one, but about four incidents. One was commenting on a friend's blog, and I learned that the same statement you'd make on a male has different reverberations on a female. Even if TRUE. And yes, that makes sense! I only felt I quickly (relatively speaking!) understood it because I'm brown. (update: This phrase is a bit more of my "shorthand," that should not survive a series of edits, but slips through. More true: I began to think in terms of what women might live when I really began thinking on my ethnicity, and how I had denied it for so long, yes. But also very much because I'm small and have had that used against me. It really resonated when I began reading feminist-woman-centric blogs that speak of many PTSD symptoms/type awarenesses that we share in common. So, not just because I'm brown, but also because I've been a small male in USA culture and suffered violence that exploited this.) So I could apply it in a way that applied to myself. Empathy. There is historical precedent for certain crimes against peoples, for certain hate against peoples. And this vibe and history can ride on a comment like weight you never planned. No, I'm not perfect, and I was not born learned. I'm still learning very much. And I want the chance to keep growing without being buried in judgment.

I do not think Brittney deserves hate, nor Ilyka, nor Chris Clarke, nor JG, nor anyone! If anyone deserves scorn in my opinion, it is NiT blog, who seems to be the same outfit that was okay with posting that barely-qualified hateful graf against Gilliard. And even so, I still feel my information might be incomplete. I am not endorsing everything said or written by anyone, because I haven't read all or even most of it! But I could chase this story forever, and dig up a million opinions, and I might never be as sure as I could be were I there to witness it as it happened.

These are the things I have to go on, and I have spoken as honestly as I know how. Judge me as you will. I am not removing JG from my blogroll, I do not think he is perfect, and I do not think he is evil. Just as I do not drop friends because another friend just wants me to, and have always relied on my personal feelings and experience with a person, I stand now on the fact that he has always been fair and kind and supportive of me, and I can understand both why he did what he did, and how I think it went wrong. I just don't see myself as so much better that I can afford some haughty condemning, unbudging dismissal of all he has done that is good. In my life. Now, if this changes, or if I see him act in a way I cannot forgive, or factor into context in a way that sits within my personal ethos, then that is another situation. If you feel that to fit in with your own ethics, you must delink me, I understand completely. We must be true to our own heart.

Finally, this will not be another angry and confusing thread. Nor is there any point on rehashing the argument. I felt I owed you all my thoughts and feelings on it, and now you have them. You are free to comment, but I will not allow any past arguments to be endlessly chewed on here, I see no point.