See, that's what I mean by you being special, Nez? :^) You made me cry again, but what the heck, there's a lot to cry about. On the other hand, as you point out, there's a LOT to celebrate. Unity, for one. And being still alive, for another. And the fact that someone who looks like me can actually escape somehow the prison camp of White supremacist thinking and "middle class" "American" individualism. I ain't apologizin' for crying and cryin' don't make me weak, either, but thanks for reminding me that it's a good day to die. Oh, yeah, and thanks for the cookie. There's a reason why, where I come from, they call kisses "sugar."

Now, let's turn up the Stevie Wonder. I got to get my dance on...

As a white man, I'm always surprised at the kindness, patience and friendliness shown by people of color or women. If I show the slightest interest or awareness of their concerns they are almost always friendly and helpful. The exceptions are so few that I'd have to put them down to personal grumpiness. I've never come across a 'man hating feminist' or a POC practicing 'reverse racism'.

I'm not a guilty white man looking to have my ego propped up. I was infected with some kind of virus concocted of equal parts Jesus, Joe Hill, Mother Jones and Malcolm X when I was a kid. I got it in my head that when anyone is in chains, I have no hope of being free.

That doesn't mean I got it right from the start. I am still surprised to catch myself walking around with big dumb white man attitudes. I'm not allowed to rest on my ignorance, but I am usually set straight with great kindness and patience.

This is my first post here. But I have enjoyed your blog for a few months now. Thanks for your good work.

The Peoplez of Color? The Menz? Are you being investigated by the OED? Are they aware of these developments?

WHAT??? You mean I just read all these feminist of color books for nothing????

j/k

I just made myself some cookies (in a literal and metaphorical sense) so I'm OK. I've actually been thinking about all this lately when reading, constantly reminding myself that, no, these are not quaint little stories of woc suffering for me to use in an argument about feminism, and no, I'm not the target, or even desired audience.

thanks, jon. yeah, i hear you on dumb attitudes. we all can catch our share of those.

i need to be the target of some damn cookies.

sending lots of cookies your way, nez ;)

thank you for posting this. i was just thinking this issue the other day. i wrote about it under "not amused" in response to this:

http://www.sacurrent.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=18519743&BRD=2318&PAG=461&dept_id=482778&rfi=6

i think you articulated it much better though.

That love-frosted cookie was a sweet thing to see yesterday. This post made me think about, among other things, stuff like my desire for connection with others versus my desire for attention to whatever degree I experience it, which is sometimes very high. I mean I do think it's a human thing to want to be paid attention to, not in the fame sense but in the sense of being generally acknowledged by others we interact with. But, when I first started reading this blog, Sylvia's, BFP's, Black Amazon's, and others, sometimes I would have that feeling of wishing for the narcissistic kind of attention rather than the connectedness kind. Like checking threads repeatedly to see if anyone responded to any comment I might have left. I mean, to the point where it delighted me to have been mentioned on a blog where I *didn't* comment, and where the mention was a negative one.

Which is mainly to say, I think I have a good heart, but part of what helps me not feel self-righteously towards, for example, men who are used to being the center of everything, is that it is constantly reaffirmed for me that I, too, am used to thinking I deserve attention, used to having gotten it over a life time. And that does bleed into everything, including fantasies of wanting to be noticed as extra good just for not being extra bad.

I am also glad, like Jon said, to get to hear from/read some intensely fierce voices who have simultaneously given me new visions of gentleness.

P.S. Which is not to say I think gentleness is always required or deserved, if that makes sense.

Which is mainly to say, I think I have a good heart, but part of what helps me not feel self-righteously towards, for example, men who are used to being the center of everything, is that it is constantly reaffirmed for me that I, too, am used to thinking I deserve attention, used to having gotten it over a life time.

there are differences and similarities between myself and others. sometimes those traits group...i can assign these to class, sex, race, temporal experience/vantage point. sometimes it helps me define myself by seeing the differences. sometimes it helps me to feel connected to others to see the commonalities. i suppose its a rhythm, like all else...

hey thank you luisa. look at that. they say you need to ask for what you want, and there it is, working.

i read that article you linked. i would like to read your response post.

I cannot resist saying, even if no one but me thinks it's funny - you wrote a post that in part addresses the phenomenon of self-centeredness amongst people who may be trying to move away from self-centeredness, and my response could be summed up as..."Your post made me think about ME." You can't tell me that's not comedy gold.

P.S. This is a breathtaking way of putting things:

"There's no need to ingest a drop of suffering for each one you imagine someone else feels. Perhaps we help empty that bucket just by refusing to fill it anymore. One tiny, unclouded drop at a time."

And since I didn't say so before, the rest of it made a lot of sense, and is very much appreciated.

i can not deny it, Joan. that is comedy gold! just like life, tho....makes perfect sense.

my response is in the comments under the article (scroll down) under "not amused"

What kind of cookie does the Chicano from L.A. in line next to me at the airport get? He did not know anyone in Mexico spoke good Spanish - thought you had to go to Spain or Argentina for that. I know I should be kind about this, oh he is victim of the White Lens, but he was over 40, well heeled and well educated, and I don't think there's really much of an excuse.

he gets the Ignorant Chicano cookie. The Puro Pocho award. Bestowed to the strains of "Tequila—the cell-phone MIDI tone version.