« Sunday Skillet Blogging 6 | Main | Gentle Loving Monsters »

17 de Septiembre, 2007

Cheese That Thinks it is Stone

Categorized under Corazón , Salud | Tags: familia, Madeleine L'Engle, My Life

FUNNY HOW LIFE CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND. Once, I lived as if I weren't afraid to die. And by that I mean many things. Like taking heaps of untested things into my body that could do just about anything, like saying "live fast, die young" when I was fourteen (on a regular basis), like racing my friends around curves at nineteen on the wrong side of the road...on a double-line road, at 90. Amazing. I didn't even want to live to see the days I'd get "old." And really, I honestly felt I was immortal. As if nothing could take me out. So much so that a couple times I even tried, myself.

And now? Now I want to live as long as I can. Mi abuelo I never knew died of diabetes, both his feet cut off. He never saw my face, and I never saw his. Mi abuelita died in the 80s...and dammit, I should have known her better than just as a child. Now she's gone and it's too late. Now my nana, my mother's mother, has cancer all throughout her body. The only grandpa I have known is into his 90s and now in the hospital with fluid building up in his lungs. These were all amazing people who did amazing things in the time they were here...but life doesn't care. King or kid, she wears you away ten times quicker than stone. Fifty times quicker. She wears you down and away like cheese. Cheese that thinks it is stone.

I see what a fool I am on a regular basis, and know that I need a long time to learn just a few basic things that I keep forgetting. And I love it. I love learning. And I love becoming slowly wiser. I love all my abilities, I am so grateful for each and every one. From walking and being able to dance and sing, to being able to do art. I have been doing art all my life...I have written and recorded over a hundred songs, closer to two...and I feel my best work is ahead of me, and it was practice for the most part. I am eager to see yet what I can discover.

And mostly, life seems so amazing...and I feel so much luckier than I ever did as a young person...I don't want to leave this place. And yet, like one of my favorite authors as a child has just the other day, I know I will. And that it's only a matter of time. And not a "human lifespan" time, not "70 years." In reality, I'm not even guaranteed a damn week. We're here today...we live like we are guaranteed a century. We fight and moan and waste and war and piss it away as if it's something we can just order more of from a store.

Precious, people. So very precious and brief. Squeeze it for all its worth. Live it for all its worth. Don't look back. Unless that's where your heart is. And then, run back. But sing while you're running. Sing for all your worth. The stars and the wind are listening, always. Soon, we join them.

 The Unapologetic Mexican has been known to scribble a few things besides meandering, verbose, self-congratulatory blog posts. However, they are rarely as fun. Finally, let it be known that Nezua first dared bust out this Habanero of Truth at exactly 3:56 PM.  | Top | View blog reactions

Comentarios (9)

Tom dijo:

Amen. She was one of my favorites as a kid too.

Palabras por Tom spat forth on el 17 de Septiembre, 2007 at 04:59 PM

Jennifer Cascadia dijo:

Disturbing!

Palabras por Jennifer Cascadia spat forth on el 17 de Septiembre, 2007 at 07:26 PM

RickB dijo:

We are made of such stuff that stars are made of.

Palabras por RickB spat forth on el 17 de Septiembre, 2007 at 07:26 PM

RC dijo:

I started to feel recently that I should have everything in some kind of general order in case I left the planet suddenly. So I am still in the phase where I am trying to organize and throw out all the unnecessary belongings and papers and get the legal situation under control for the heirs. I will probably live until I am 95 or 105, another 40 or 50 years based on genetics, but who can tell? I almost left the planet as a truck rolled over me in 1999, so I know it can happen at any time. But meanwhile, knowing the trip could be over at any time lends a certain air of appreciation to the next breath and the one after.

Palabras por RC spat forth on el 18 de Septiembre, 2007 at 05:47 AM

Michael Mandel dijo:

Beautiful post, Nezua. I'm sorry to hear about your nana and grandpa. Much peace and comfort to them (and to you and everyone around them).

You really nailed the essence of life in this post, at least for me. Family, community, learning, nature, making music, making art, literature - this is what it's all about.

Is your music available anywhere? I'd love to hear some of it...

Palabras por Michael Mandel spat forth on el 18 de Septiembre, 2007 at 08:59 AM

nezua limón xolagrafik-jonez dijo:

thank you michael. yes, music i have done so far is available here. it spans back to 1992! which sort of blows my mind as i type it.

i am working on new stuff soon, and i have to say, some of my old stuff i can't listen to anymore, and not because its terribly played or sung (necessarily!), but because just as i keep making my way fwd in my path, i move through different views and expressions and, well, a lot of my older music comes from places i have moved on from. then again, i just got an email last night from an old, old friend who came around after years to download it again and telling me how much it meant to him, so i am not always the best judge, and some people who listen dont even like me giving this kind of disclaimer, as they feels it devalues their enjoyment of it, and i would hate to do that, even for the purpose of making myself feel more evolved than the art i have made at any point.

nowadays, i have tons of new equipment, better recording setup (best yet), and a whole new outlook in many areas. but i've always done my best to be true to myself when writing, no matter where i was at.

Palabras por nezua limón xolagrafik-jonez spat forth on el 18 de Septiembre, 2007 at 09:46 AM