Great job, Nez, you pulled it off. I mean, obviously you could redo things with more time and money and try to slick it up, but that's not the point here. I'm all about fundamentals, and the fundamentals are there in this short piece. There's a good sense of place and of personality. The visual, musical, and narrative beats have a good steady rhythm and a compelling vibe, and the uptick when the jagged info is introduced works well, accessibly framing the central conflict of the thread you're proposing to follow without resorting to an abundance of cliches that might be tempting on this subject. The specificity of the focus on benzene is an excellent writing decision. All in all, I call this a win, Nez. See you in NYC! ;-)

I agree; I think you chose a great topic. You framed it well. Could've used more car crashes and terror alerts, but I understand you made your own artistic choices... :-p

Plus, the information and the perspectives of the film are rich enough that it would capture the attention of people with short attention spans. They'd come away with information they may not have had offhand. What more could they want?

thanks for the great analysis, kai and the support, as always. lets's ee lets seee!!

--

thank you M. i was hopign that i could come in all slow and use some measured pacing and still not bore anyone before i got to that crux. thanks for the feedback. i will remember, next time, to bookend with some delicious terror alerts.

Very nicely done! I live in Oregon and I thought I knew a lot about toxic threats, but wasn't aware of the increased exposure to Benzene. It was a nice contrast to the earlier piece. Shows you have range. Nice voice too.

-- Will

But...but...but, what would BillO and Rush say to such a calm, intelligent and thoughtful approach!!! Where's the digs and hyperventilating???

Just kidding of course.

There is a strong message here that is delivered with passion and intelligence. You treat the audience as if we are adult human beings. The media might not know what to do with that - but I love it!!!

will, given your location and profession, that sure means a lot! thank you.

NL thank you very much. i appreciate your words.

(must remember to end next time on shot of billo and rush. i'll say "the crucial connection between lunacy and volume."...)

Clear and succinct...I likes it!

great job...i wish you all the luck in the world - you have an important message!!

i think it looks and sounds great! at first, i thought it was too mellow and serious to get mtv's attention but then i remembered your last video so i think the fact that this one follows that makes you seem very versatile. it's in the bag, nez!

thanks...that's sort of what i was thinking from the start. i've already shown them the other side of the spectrum. i imagine, actually, most installments i did would be somewhere along the continuum. this one is absent of humor, but the first one was pure humor. in this one, i wanted to show i could frame an issue, without myself being central, and the mellowness was both to convey serenity (the nature/beauty thing) and to set up a contrast for the introduction of the seed of harm, which as kai said, broke the "spell" of the mellowness.

and on the "too serious" thing, this is not mainstream "MTV" programming or anything, just so ya know. its sort of a special side thing that has to do with issues of social conscience and public interest, political urgency, etc.. so this kind of goes right in the niche there.

Damn. That's awesome!

Do this series anyway, even if they don't pick you. I'd watch it for sure.

thanks pat. i appreciate that. the good thing about getting the gig is that they give you a stipend, which makes spending time on these kinds of things a little easier to do. but the vote of interest means a lot. i'm suddenly wondering now if it is "too mellow." jeje.

Mainstream MTV? Maybe not historically, but I bet they know their demographics well enough to know that their current audience is more environmentally conscious than when I was their target. In your two videos you've shown depth, breadth, talent, awareness, sensitivity, humor, and intelligence. If you are not selected someone needs to be fired.

thanks, peasant. much appreciated.

thank you rafa and az goddess.

that is awesome, i just moved outside of corvallis and it was an eye opener. i was totally unaware of the high rates of C6H6. another reason why people need to support NCAP. i hope you win this was a good video and i will show it to my friends up here.

thanks ihadira.

when i learned of the benzene levels in the gas, exhaust, and breathing air of such a beautiful area, i too was shocked! and shocked even more that some residents here—very "green" ones, too—chose not to dwell on it. it's a glaring contradiction in oregon's image. i know myself, i am very disturbed to think of this, living here. there have been some legislative attempts to address it, and actually this piece could have been a lot longer, but had to run under 4 minutes. i figure i'll get more into it if i get the gig.

thanks for your feedback.

2nd and 3rd thoughts always follow, but the one I am curious about now, after the impact of your story has sunk in, is the Oregon law which eliminated the "self-serve" stations that most of the nation uses. (Drivers are not allowed to pump their own gas in Oregon.) While I don't want to go into the pro-con debate of the measure, all I see now (in my minds eye)are thousands of entry level workers working and pumping gasoline in a cloud of benzene and the impact it will have on their future health and lives. Sure, we see and hear warnings of "do not inhale the fumes" but if that cloud is your work space the warnings don't mean much. If the thread continues, I'd be curious to know what, if any, oversight and health monitoring has taken place by the State of Oregon to protect these employees from the continuous long term daily exposure.

you are right about the self-serve. and similar thoughts occurred to me. i dont think any monitoring has occurred, such as when you are a worker at a factory that uses lead regularly, or packages it in products. (i'm thinking of a place in Port Jervis NY). but i dont know for sure. thanks for the idea. there are a few places i could follow this. thats what i like about the idea of a following a few storylines. following up would be easier too, if i could claim to be affiliated with a news/entertainment outfit gig. could open the door to interviews and some other things a bit easier, perhaps.

i've uploaded a final version. this page now has it in both players. not much change. two money shots dropped in to up the production value, and to establish place a teeny bit better.

Wow, impressive.

thanks mamá. :)