SOON you will see my newest video for MTV-land, which is a piece on the 5-year mark of the Iraq invasion/occupation (update: now done), as peeps showed up here in town as part of a MoveOn thing and held candles and signs and such as part of a vigil and I of course, like the fly on the wall (cockroach on the wall?) that I seem to be at these events with my camera, taped it. I have to say, it is actually my favorite piece so far. Yes, I do dig my Dreaming is Not Enough piece very much, and I'm sure this Obama piece I'm editing now (well not right now) will be the most "eventful" etc (Press pass, presidential candidate, huge event for the town), but I love the Vigil video because I think it does well what "film" does best as a medium. It communicates a story almost entirely through visuals and sound. There isn't an interview in the whole thing (although I did have someone speaking on camera and got release forms and all but opted not to use it), and very little expositional text.

In art, I work on instinct—both instinct born in me as well as instinct that springs from education and experience, and so often it isn't until later that I watch a piece and go "oh, I see now why I was not feeling right about including A, B or C," thinking out in retrospect what I did reflexively in practice. And in Vigil, I shied away from any eye contact with the camera, any interviews or anything that would confront the viewer. It just "felt right" and as an artist, we learn to heed impulses that might not be given as much weight in other areas of life where we are expected to be very socratic and intellectual and reasonable.

I realize watching it back that I wanted us to watch them keep this vigil, to be open to any feelings or thoughts, but not to be engaged by the people or the filmmaker too much. Not to be watched as we watched. Because it is a vigil, it was a somber moment, it was very real for these people and deeply moving and important. I say "for these people" because of course as a shooter, as a maker, as an artist, you sort of observe and channel...and put off your own emotional experience. You have to. Or I do. Like when I came back from the Obama event and la waifa wanted to know how it was, wanted to talk and hear it all, and live it vicariously. As I said to her, "trust me you don't want to live it vicariously," because I spent a lot of time stressing and hustling and starving and worrying over focus and panning and exposure and sound levels and tapes and batteries and security and bathrooms and tripod safety and feed levels and wires and lots of things that are hidden from the final piece. As I said to her, "it's like maple syrup, or cocaine, or gasoline...or diamonds." You spend a full day shooting three hours of tape, expending enough energy so that you are wiped out for two days, then you spend 8 - 15 hours editing so that you can end up with three minutes of video." It's all about purifying, refining, concentrating, organizing, compressing....

My favorite sweatshirt smells like all the restaurants I've been to in the past week. I think it's time to wash it. Seriously, I just put it on to warm up and I'm back at McMenamins. Or however you spell that place, the place with the delicious burgers from range-slaughtered cows and the not very good service but very cool 60s/70s decor and relaxed and hip atmosphere and bloody marys that come in glasses that are a bit too skinny. I like my Bloody Mary in fatter glasses, and I like fat crystals of salt on the glass rim. And I do appreciate that they stick a piece of asparagus in it, but I guess I'm sort of partial to the old standby of celery sticks and olives.

On Wright:

Well, come on. As many have said, a) it is hypocritical (racist?) to be harping so much on Obama about this, while so many others (whites) get a pass on SO many of their affiliations. See...I don't even point out half the shit I used to on this blog. It's like...why? I sort of did a lot for a while as I taught myself many things, reinforced many things, etc. But I guess I"m not into repeating it over and over and over. It all seems so obvious. And I don't get paid to teach anyone, so I don't make that my focus.

We also know that b) Obama stepped up big-time, and those with brains see it. Those who are freaking out saying he is "racist" for addressing the issue or who are feeling all "YOU HATE WHITEY!!!" are probably racist pricks. And that's that. I don't care, and who cares? They will always be around, and they will probably never allow themselves to examine alternate realities. Sucks to be them.

c) Was Wright reallllly so wrong, overall? Guess what? I, too, am willing to damn and condemn hurtful and harmful practices. See, that's a love of truth and goodness. And it's also why I loathe malicious and dishonest people. Damn them. Yup. And yes, it's pretty damn incendiary and paranoid to say that Tuskeegee was a conspiracy to harm blacks while benefitting from—oh, sorry, I mean HIV/AIDS. Not "Tuskeegee." What is that? I don't know. Must have picked it up somewhere, Ill have to look up the word. Anyway, yes, it's paranoid and the idea that the government might harm blacks and keep it quiet has no basis in reality. So damn Wright then, if you must. But I don't get how that applies to Barack Obama. And I wonder what affiliations exist in the Clintons' lives that might need to be examined, eh? And I don't mean pastors. I mean money people. Because money people have pull in a President's life, eh? MONEY. now that is influence. You can hear words and pick and choose. But if someone has strings on you....cash money over you....talk to me about influence, please.

Words? But oh, we don't actually talk about Wright's words. Many who are condemning wright, or "talking about" this whole event are taking it as a given that Wright is Wrong and Obama is Wright. Whatever. Have it your way. We live in a shiny clean nation that has always been glorious and anyone who doesn't feel that way needs to leave, right? Okay. Enjoy the assfumes, headless. The whole argument reminds me of those morons who talk about "arrogant mexicans" or black people who "have a chip on their shoulder for being black." I saw a commenter on Huffpost espousing such mental confusion in the form of Black Chip on the Shoulder and I just replied "I wonder what the hell that could mean."

It means don't bring up any injustice that non-whites suffer. You don't have the right to address it. Shut up and act white. Which means ignore those things. Yeah, I know. Ho hum.

I think I'm going to rework that "mighty white of you" phrase. I'm going to use it to mean "ignoring past hurts you've benefitted from." I think that will make me popular. Next time someone laughs because they cut in front of people who were waiting for hours, I'll say "Mighty white of you!" Or if someone steals something from someone else and then claims they invented it, I'll say "Hey! That was mighty white of ya." Jeje. I'll be the hit of Oregon. No. Not really.

Oh I know. Divisive. But I'm not here to heal the nation or be President. I'm just here to rap.

If you ever begin to forget the white supremacy standards in place and want to remember them, just try flipping around some things like that phrase. Whoa. It's all invisible until you remove the practiced privilege. People will bug the fuck out. I know because I do this sometimes. It's half of what my blog has been about. Flipping the accepted media memes that work against people of color.

It's all cool coming in one direction. But turn it around and people get outraged. If it weren't part of a disastrous and harmful system of oppressions it would be hilarious how hypocritical it is. It makes me sad. It makes me mad. It's why some people are flipping out about Obama talking about race and how the black community feels (and can you imagine the truth is surprising some people????) Some don't want to hear it. Shut up. Bringing up race and racial injustice is oppressing white people.

Just tired of the bullshit, honestly. There's far too much of it in our everyday conversations. And so much of it is really just TeeVee land and Internetland. Places that are informed and read by real people, but....not really real life, more like suspended moments in between. All I know is that I didnt talk to anyone before during or after the event here in Eugene that felt the "TYPICAL WHITE PERSON" COMMENT CONTROVERSY was pressing and hugey...or really anything at all. If you spend hours online you feel it is THE talk and THE issue and a BIG DEAL but...walking around, it doesn't quite feel that way. So. Make of that what you will.

On our part? Mostly I think it is important for those who don't see themselves as "white" and feel hurt by these racist reactions to Obama not to lump in all "white" people with the small crowd that sounds loud, but really isnt "most" or really even a "huge" amount of people. If we react as if these ignorant wastes of human oocytes are ALL white people, then we feed into the small, loathy, worldviews of Instadribble and Rush Limbo and Minutemen/KKK folks. And it grows worse. They are, in actuality, few. They are, in reality, dinos. They will, eventually, be replaced in time by humans who recognize the injustices that made us what we are and the complex weave of pain and hope and blood and sunrise that make up this nation and all nations.

On FOX lingo:

Oh, we should also brand "FairNBalanced" for what it is. A lie. We should not use the phrase literally anymore, as it only helps FOX. They have, in essence, made "lie"="FairNBalanced" so I think we should go along with that. Anytime now you hear absolute lies or fakery, say "Hey, that's FairNBalanced." And before long, FOX's tagline will sound to many as it ought to. Like "Bullshit."

iPhone report:

I dropped it!!! Oh no. The damn thing is just too smooth and silky for quick, harried usage like when you are on a shoot and trying to work your magic, or hustling in the Press entrance and being frisked and wanded and pulling out ID and such. I need to get that ribbed version for those who want to iPhone with extra texture. But then it won't fit in my leather holster. Damn. Is it hot in here? Anyway, good thing it was in the holster when I dropped it. Got a tiny dent in the corner, but nothing broke. Jesus! (Also a big phan of the iPhone). It's scary to carry around something that costs so much.

On the "Typical White Person" discussion:

One more thing about Obama's white grandmother and his comment on "the typical white person" soundbyte that the tv-brains are chewing on like a snotty rawhide bone. I have been working on The White Lens (9), and I wanted to work this in and I still may, but as my writing time is nil lately, I'll just lay it down quickstyle aqui.

If you think you know what it is like to negotiate a life of mestizaje, that is of being mixed, then talk. If you know what it is like to have a white mother and a father who is black/mexican/asian, whatever, then talk. Or if you know what it is like to have a father who is white and a mother who is of color, then talk on this issue and dare judge his words. If you have a truly comparable experience, then apply it and let's hear it (and no, being half Irish and half Jewish doesn't count in today's USA.) If not, please be quiet. Please do some LISTENING. Because not having knowledge means one has, instead, ignorance. And those with ignorance on a subject would do well to learn from those who have some knowledge. And there is no knowledge like lived experience.

Clearly, what he meant by "typical" (though it sounds doubly damning, as both "common sort" and "you're all racist") was quite the opposite of how the fainters are trying to spin it; he was undoubtedly trying to make it sound like "everyday" and "understandable." Not "oh, how TYPICAL of you." And yes, he could have been more careful with wording. And perfect-speaking on matters of race. Like you are. But it's a tricky area. And he forgot that most (white) people like to pretend not a racist bone exists in their body. And to imply otherwise is a HUGE sin. These sins happen when you are ("too") honest. Because we operate on many pretenses. But guess what? You can't move forward by relying on those same old pretenses. (And guess what? Anyone who reads this blog for a while knows I am constantly admitting that it is a process I undergo, to weed out the implantation of white supremacist memes I've soaked up from the US media and others who were in my life. Nothing wrong with admitting this, folks! It probably only hurts if you aren't doing work to reverse it, to take off that lens fitted upon you without your permission...)

To the point. I understand his experience. I know what it's like to cringe at the white parent when you hear them repeat what you know to be ....entrenched ideas about people of color. (PS, my mother is nowhere near "racist" in any way, shape, or form. I'm talking very subtle things that might not occur to the typical "white" ear.) Even when they are good and you love them. After all, that is how we will get through this racial swamp we have risen from. By seeing the good in people and knowing that the ugly messaging they have picked up is NOT THEM. (Unless we are talking about certain types who seek to harm people of color, they do exist and I will step to them with a biblical type of justice if needed.) It is messaging we are all given. And to help each other get through it, we need to find the common heart, the common thread, and try to pick that up. I've done it and seen it work. And we need to make effort. To be honest as well as to be careful and we need to let people talk about things that kick our belly when they are trying to relate their experience in a land where all most wear The White Lens.

I am the border. I am El Paso and Tijuana both, the border and the lands on either side. And I am Queens and Mexico City. I am Bethesda and Oaxaca. I am middle class white jew girl and field worker indian boy. My mother is white, and my father is not.

When I talk about my racial/ethnic experience, I almost always make one of my parents unhappy with it. Guess what? That's what it means to be of both. Of neither. Something else. Something other. Something new. Something that many of us are, Obama included. La raza cosmica.

Some whites are happy if you don't bring up the nonwhite part. Change your name to something clean and anglo, talk like this, dont talk of that....then you can be one of the Happy Pack! Remember those days with Obama? Now he is being as careful as he can! Yet not "safe." He is still telling the untested, unpolled truth. Shit. That is bravery defined. Especially at the level he is at and running for such high office. The highest in the land!

These discussions hurt sometimes. My mother actually defends "white people" to me sometimes. Do you know how embarrassing that feels to me? How awkward it feels to have her remind me that "not all white people are..." ? Then again, I also imagine how awkward it might feel for her to read my blog. Or how hurtful. What can we do? We must tell our truths knowing that we are human and have our own experiences, and sometimes recounting those will be uncomfortable to some. I know in a land brimming with PAINFREE and tv dinner mentality, we prefer not to change the channel by hand, and we'd rather take pills that make our food not bind to our stomach than get up early and run every day...but that's not really life. That's hibernation. Work requires pain. And sweat. And progress hurts. It doesn't just heal.

Don't worry, fragile white crowd (not all of you). Obama's presidency won't be all about race. If one can step away from the terror that fills the soul when considering such a presidency (yes, I'm laughing), then one can realize that he could bring the same bravery and originality and insight to ANY issue. If he can do with this one, after all, what else might seem daunting?

That being said, I think the Presidency is part action and part leadership and part marketing. Hell, yes, politicians are all powerlusters who tell us what we want to hear.

But its a good messaging and a good marketing that Obama brings. And I've seen it inspire people. I've seen it inspire people far beyond what it inspires in me. I've interviewed them. And I do think that a person in that office who decides to act like a molester (george w bush and the armpit-sniffing mccain), brandishing lies and fear and power imbalance and stabbing at your trauma spots will adversely affect the national mood and ugliness will radiate in many ways. And I think the same of a person in office who inspires people with positive traits and actions. This is aside from policies and all that wonky junk some enjoy so much. I am talking about public perception, and again that radiation. You can knock the ethereal and non-measurable all ya want. But if you think that Teh Wonk is what most people live by? You are wrong. It is in fact, not what most people live by.

Clinton? When she said she was "glad" he gave The Speech, she meant because she thought it would sink him. Think about it. Okay, that's up for grabs. It's what I believe. But you know. She can talk change and hope and new politics too. But even if he can't walk it in all the ways he wants or all the ways people think he can, I know he can sell it. And in a nation raised on marketing, and in a nation of consumers, that could be a good thing. And a good vibe to let resonate and radiate.

On the non-illustrated nature of this post:

Sorry. It bugs me. This is the point usually at which I begin making grafiks for a long post. But that would take me a few more hours. And the truth is, I don't have it to spare lately. I'm really struggling to catch up on my work schedule. And I'm getting there, don't wanna set myself back. I may come back in two weeks or so to populate this with imagery.

Now:

It's six am here on the west coast. Time for me to wax up my boogieboard and get to work. Don't call me today, clients. They are going to fix the bathroom ceiling (remember?) so it will be noisy as hell, and anyway I'm working on your job all day, I promise.

(Non-clients, give me a ring if you're in town. We can go out for celery sticks cuz I'm free all day.)